In Honor of the Ladies
Mary Kate did nothing wrong
You may have noticed there’s some anger amongst the sexes in social media right now. It started with some women in our sphere don’t feel sufficiently included in the club. This led to the common denunciation of women trying to enter a male space and long-housing it. *Based* single-mothers then came out in force to argue that the right can’t survive without their exceedingly impressive decision-making skills.
Then came the iteration regarding the relative safety of men and bears coming from the left-wing sphere. You see, the cat-ladies once and for all showed their objective, cool, and reasonable conclusion that being in company with a bear was safer than being with a man, and proved so by an incredible misunderstanding of the concept of per-capita. Now there’s some drama regarding some podcast ladies, and I honestly lost track where any of this makes sense.
All of this, while making for fun internet content, is not conducive to developing relationships that can help us move forward as a culture. As much as men and women drive each other nuts, we’re going to need each other to make babies and keep our civilization going. While us guys on the right are fighters, we’re also lovers, and more than willing to be magnanimous for the benefit of society. Consider this a late Mother’s Day gift.
Originally, I was going to discuss proper sexual relations by relating to P.D. Eastman’s classic sociological study “Go, Dog, Go.” But that’s doctoral dissertation level analysis, and given my ten years of being a married man likely gives me more experience on this topic than everyone else on the internet combined, I’m going to have to start simpler.
Instead, I’ll relate a story most of you already know. It’s about this boxer, a little down on his luck and wandering through the world, not knowing what to do with his life anymore. While he had some potential earlier in life, he sees age creeping up on him and future prospects for a happy life dwindling. This all starts to change when he happens across a woman that changes his perspective on life and gives him the courage necessary for the biggest fight of his life.
I’m talking, of course, of Mary Kate in The Quiet Man.
The story sets off with Sean Thornton, a former boxed who vowed never to fight again, getting off a train by his ancestral homeland. He lived there as a boy before immigrating to the United States, and now he wants to make the quaint little village his home. Almost all the villagers take a liking to him, including Mary Kate, who watches him as she shepherds the sheep. Mary Kate’s brother, however, does not.
He quickly buys his ancestors old cottage, which was under the ownership of a widow in town. When he comes into his newly acquired home, he notices it was swept and washes with the cleaner, Mary Kate, still in the house. Being a gentleman, he says thank you in his own personal way.
<picture kiss>
Now, the next part might be a little unrealistic to some jaded people, but I think it works. Mary Kate, having some deep intuition that he will eventually have to fight again, immediately starts with his training by giving him a good punch to the face. Sean shows he still has it, and deflects the attack, but Mary Kate knows he’ll need far more training to get ready for the big fight.
Time passes, and her brother rebuffs Sean’s intention to marry his sister. Luckily, by a conspiracy in the town the brother is tricked into giving his consent and a 350 pound dowry, Sean and Mary enter into engagement and get married. During the reception, the brother learns he’s been had, and knocks out Sean in a fit of rage. The newlyweds go back to the cottage, and Mary Kate makes the hardest choice of her life.
You see, even in her excitement at finally completing the marital act, she knows that this isn’t good for Sean, who needs to be good and hungry for the big bout. While it might seem extreme to forego making love to one’s husband on their wedding night, she does what she thinks she needs to do. If there is any flaw in Mary Kate, it’s that she cares too much.
Later, they take the horse to the village, where they see her brother by the pub. Thinking finally it was time for the bout, she is shocked by his refusal, and fears he thinks he hasn’t trained enough. To fix this, she takes the horse several miles back to the house to allow him to do his training montage on the way back to the cottage.
This, unfortunately, is not good enough in her eyes, and she fears that her presence in distracting him from the big bout. She makes another hard decision, and decides to leave by train. This is where Sean really shines, as he comes to the train station and takes her, assuring her that she will witness the start of the great bout. He helpfully lifts her up on several occasions when she gets tired while the local townspeople follow.
They reach her brother, and he argues his principles that because he didn’t receive the money, he didn’t have a wife. The brother, furious, throws the money at him and Mary Kate opens the furnace grate to throw the money in.
Mary Kate, ever conscientious, realizing how famished he’s going to be after the bout, and quickly runs home to make supper as Sean does what he was meant to do, kick the shit out of her brother. The fight lasts forever by movie standards, but disappointingly short by Irish standards, and the two finally make their peace and drunkenly go back to Sean’s house.
The movie ends with Mary Kate whispering something in Sean’s ear so spicy the ex-boxer perks up and practically sprints to the house.
Mary Kate is the exemplar of all the wonderful women in the world. Some can say it’s just a weird male ideal, but I would argue it’s much more than that. I salute you, and the Mary Kate’s of the world, and may every one of your days be blessed.