Isn't this a broader problem of "normie" dads generally? I notice this all the time as well. Mom ends up the "educator" for whatever thing is being done, dad is the "fun guy." Boomer cultural mores are being repeated by Millenial Normies with their kids to a large degree.
I know a few dads that are more involved, but by and large it's either sports focus or "fun." The idea that Dad should be involved in his kids education seems to be completely missing as a cultural "to do."
Dads have a way of making everything fun, but they assume separation of duties too much. "Well, my wife is handling it." puts it out of his mind too fast.
I notice that’s how guys work in general, at home or in the workplace. My male colleagues back when I worked are very focused on their specific part of the labor division and nothing else
It could also be that in an ultra-feminized education system, men no longer believe themselves to be competent, or even invited in the educational space.
I’m a 90’s homeschool pioneer/Guinea pig. In 90’s rural Ohio, it was worst cast scenario, in social terms for a homeschooler. Very isolated. Even so, turned out fine. Little social learning curve in college, and I do have a Substack. Other than that, I’ve done ok.
Can only be better now, with more families doing it.
My parents started homeschooling my siblings and me in 1982 when regulations basically didn’t exist, but the state insisted one parent be a certified teacher. My mother was one, so we skipped the legal battles, but Mom had to unlearn a lot to transition from “school-in-a-box” to a more flexible approach. Dad was very involved and taught us history and writing (he was a published author). Mom handled math and science. Both gave us home ec skills just by working alongside us day by day. There weren’t a lot of homeschoolers back then, but we managed to find each other—or join community sports like soccer and get involved in local events and festivals. But, honestly, we preferred to socialize with all ages and didn’t feel the need to have peer-only interactions. Homeschooling gave us the freedom to travel widely when my father had trips all over the US and abroad, which was a fabulous education on its own.
My husband and I have always homeschooled our children. He does a lot of the history/government/poli sci, while my focus is literature, grammar, writing, and home ec. Neither of us is great at math, so we’ve used online resources and the occasional tutor over the years. I wish we had a stronger local homeschool group, but most parents seem only to want that for social activities and sports, so I’ve been putting serious thought into creating a micro school with another family and recruiting a couple more for more intensive shared classes a few days a week. Homeschooling fosters independence, but sometimes that is its downfall. We actually do need each other, and families aren’t meant to be islands. Finding the balance is hard, but it’s so worth it when you see your older children thriving as adults.
I’m curious, how close do you think you can get to an aristocratic education of the past with homeschooling. My guess is that is pretty hard, because an aristocratic had private tutors for each subject and while in homeschooling a parent needs to take that burden.
My eldest says this is one of the problems in his engineering cohort right now; the women are doing a lot of things and the other men are not. Seems bleak.
Many great thoughts! As a second generation homeschooler I agree with much of what you say here. One thing I think that contributes to "fracture" within homeschool environments: the people likely to home educate are already free thinkers. They are pretty opinionated people, as a general rule, with specific reasons WHY they do what they do (full time sports, classical education, Charlotte Mason, whatever). When you put those groups together, there will be friction if people are not humble and kind. I do think this kind of behavior (among parents and kids) happens in public and private schools, too. I hear from teachers often about how parents do/don't stay involved in kids' lives, and that can happen with homeschool as well. I think the keys are 1) structure at home 2) involved, engaged parents (both) and 3) humility, willingness to not make your homeschool method your whole personality.
Indeed, that's a difficulty but it's not insurmountable. I for one changed my career to be more involved at home and in homeschooling. If a career change isn't possible for whatever reason, a dad and groups of homeschooling dads can still coordinate and influence.
This was excellent! Our kids are 21 and 24, we homeschooled until 9th grader when both of our kids said they wanted to go different routes. We sent one to IB and one to private school, vastly different experiences but their foundation really carried them through.
Michigan homeschooling at the time was very flexible, and it was surprising how many families in our region were homeschooling for a suburban setting. These days registration is the big fight, I hope that it’s not instituted but Michigan is going through a nasty transformation in many ways.
It is interesting how COVID really served as a catalyst to redefine a lot of the institutional norms in education. I helped to launch a virtual school during this period and I will admit that parent partnership was absolutely essential for students learning successfully. It essentially became a kind of supervised homeschooling hybrid.
Aren’t Michigan homeschool regs the best? I get what you’re saying about the dads - what’s fascinating to me is that in our little co-op community deal, the dads are SO present! Plenty of them wandering around in the morning keeping the littles on track or lending a hand with toothpick-and-marshmallow bridges - and we have 2 (maybe 3 next year!) dads who are tutoring the middle and high schoolers. It’s just wonderful!
Every once in a while some clown in Lansing tries to attack homeschooling and unleashes a hornets nest of angry parents then backs down. Warms my heart.
I was homeschooled, and even though I wasn't a good student, I turned out okay. Looking at the public school kids made me appreciate what my parents sacrificed.
My mom did pretty much all the curriculum organization and teaching; but she would often run things by my dad to make sure he approved of what was being taught. We also had lots of conversations about things with my dad involved, and he made time for such conversations.
If I ever have kids, they're getting homeschooled. No way am I putting my offspring through a government indoctrination mill. If anyone is going to indoctrinate my children, it's going to be me (and my wife).
All of the issues you mentioned exist equally in public education. Moms who endlessly compete and snipe, dads who have no idea what classes their kids are taking, parents who follow up and make sure that their kids are learning, parents who are totally unengaged. Even the access to other people in your “school”. I lived in a district that was a hour from one side to the other. The closest other kid from my school to me was still 20 min away. And that didn’t guarantee that the one closest to me is one that I would click with (we didn’t). Your article is pro homeschool, but I’ve heard these arguments so often in the anti side. “They won’t be socialized”, that means they won’t be learning the habits of bullies and mean girls and more. Plus I knew plenty of kids in public school who weren’t socialized either. It really so much depends in the parents either way.
So if guys just took up part of the kids' education and married a wife who's motivated to be a mother, everything's good. At worst, your kids end up at public school level, and at best, far above.
Isn't this a broader problem of "normie" dads generally? I notice this all the time as well. Mom ends up the "educator" for whatever thing is being done, dad is the "fun guy." Boomer cultural mores are being repeated by Millenial Normies with their kids to a large degree.
I know a few dads that are more involved, but by and large it's either sports focus or "fun." The idea that Dad should be involved in his kids education seems to be completely missing as a cultural "to do."
Dads have a way of making everything fun, but they assume separation of duties too much. "Well, my wife is handling it." puts it out of his mind too fast.
I notice that’s how guys work in general, at home or in the workplace. My male colleagues back when I worked are very focused on their specific part of the labor division and nothing else
It could also be that in an ultra-feminized education system, men no longer believe themselves to be competent, or even invited in the educational space.
I’m a 90’s homeschool pioneer/Guinea pig. In 90’s rural Ohio, it was worst cast scenario, in social terms for a homeschooler. Very isolated. Even so, turned out fine. Little social learning curve in college, and I do have a Substack. Other than that, I’ve done ok.
Can only be better now, with more families doing it.
My parents started homeschooling my siblings and me in 1982 when regulations basically didn’t exist, but the state insisted one parent be a certified teacher. My mother was one, so we skipped the legal battles, but Mom had to unlearn a lot to transition from “school-in-a-box” to a more flexible approach. Dad was very involved and taught us history and writing (he was a published author). Mom handled math and science. Both gave us home ec skills just by working alongside us day by day. There weren’t a lot of homeschoolers back then, but we managed to find each other—or join community sports like soccer and get involved in local events and festivals. But, honestly, we preferred to socialize with all ages and didn’t feel the need to have peer-only interactions. Homeschooling gave us the freedom to travel widely when my father had trips all over the US and abroad, which was a fabulous education on its own.
My husband and I have always homeschooled our children. He does a lot of the history/government/poli sci, while my focus is literature, grammar, writing, and home ec. Neither of us is great at math, so we’ve used online resources and the occasional tutor over the years. I wish we had a stronger local homeschool group, but most parents seem only to want that for social activities and sports, so I’ve been putting serious thought into creating a micro school with another family and recruiting a couple more for more intensive shared classes a few days a week. Homeschooling fosters independence, but sometimes that is its downfall. We actually do need each other, and families aren’t meant to be islands. Finding the balance is hard, but it’s so worth it when you see your older children thriving as adults.
I’m curious, how close do you think you can get to an aristocratic education of the past with homeschooling. My guess is that is pretty hard, because an aristocratic had private tutors for each subject and while in homeschooling a parent needs to take that burden.
But still better than public school I guess.
On the other hand, Professor Youtube is free.
It seems for a lot of issues the problem is that women are doing things and men are not doing things.
My eldest says this is one of the problems in his engineering cohort right now; the women are doing a lot of things and the other men are not. Seems bleak.
Many great thoughts! As a second generation homeschooler I agree with much of what you say here. One thing I think that contributes to "fracture" within homeschool environments: the people likely to home educate are already free thinkers. They are pretty opinionated people, as a general rule, with specific reasons WHY they do what they do (full time sports, classical education, Charlotte Mason, whatever). When you put those groups together, there will be friction if people are not humble and kind. I do think this kind of behavior (among parents and kids) happens in public and private schools, too. I hear from teachers often about how parents do/don't stay involved in kids' lives, and that can happen with homeschool as well. I think the keys are 1) structure at home 2) involved, engaged parents (both) and 3) humility, willingness to not make your homeschool method your whole personality.
I've often said that homeschooling should be run by the dads. Fix both the mom and dad problem with one stone.
Unfortunately this is impossible for many when the dad is away from home for work for long periods of time.
Indeed, that's a difficulty but it's not insurmountable. I for one changed my career to be more involved at home and in homeschooling. If a career change isn't possible for whatever reason, a dad and groups of homeschooling dads can still coordinate and influence.
This was excellent! Our kids are 21 and 24, we homeschooled until 9th grader when both of our kids said they wanted to go different routes. We sent one to IB and one to private school, vastly different experiences but their foundation really carried them through.
Michigan homeschooling at the time was very flexible, and it was surprising how many families in our region were homeschooling for a suburban setting. These days registration is the big fight, I hope that it’s not instituted but Michigan is going through a nasty transformation in many ways.
Also homeschooled the boys until high school then sent both to IB in Michigan. Worked well for them.
Good to know what we’re in for.
It is interesting how COVID really served as a catalyst to redefine a lot of the institutional norms in education. I helped to launch a virtual school during this period and I will admit that parent partnership was absolutely essential for students learning successfully. It essentially became a kind of supervised homeschooling hybrid.
Aren’t Michigan homeschool regs the best? I get what you’re saying about the dads - what’s fascinating to me is that in our little co-op community deal, the dads are SO present! Plenty of them wandering around in the morning keeping the littles on track or lending a hand with toothpick-and-marshmallow bridges - and we have 2 (maybe 3 next year!) dads who are tutoring the middle and high schoolers. It’s just wonderful!
Every once in a while some clown in Lansing tries to attack homeschooling and unleashes a hornets nest of angry parents then backs down. Warms my heart.
That seems like a different school, not homeschool
Good article.
I was homeschooled, and even though I wasn't a good student, I turned out okay. Looking at the public school kids made me appreciate what my parents sacrificed.
My mom did pretty much all the curriculum organization and teaching; but she would often run things by my dad to make sure he approved of what was being taught. We also had lots of conversations about things with my dad involved, and he made time for such conversations.
If I ever have kids, they're getting homeschooled. No way am I putting my offspring through a government indoctrination mill. If anyone is going to indoctrinate my children, it's going to be me (and my wife).
All of the issues you mentioned exist equally in public education. Moms who endlessly compete and snipe, dads who have no idea what classes their kids are taking, parents who follow up and make sure that their kids are learning, parents who are totally unengaged. Even the access to other people in your “school”. I lived in a district that was a hour from one side to the other. The closest other kid from my school to me was still 20 min away. And that didn’t guarantee that the one closest to me is one that I would click with (we didn’t). Your article is pro homeschool, but I’ve heard these arguments so often in the anti side. “They won’t be socialized”, that means they won’t be learning the habits of bullies and mean girls and more. Plus I knew plenty of kids in public school who weren’t socialized either. It really so much depends in the parents either way.
Great article by the way.
Would love to be more involved, sense it would be good to be more involved. I’m exhausted though.
So if guys just took up part of the kids' education and married a wife who's motivated to be a mother, everything's good. At worst, your kids end up at public school level, and at best, far above.
Yup yup, homeschooling has problems lmao.